05 July 2012

What is this I don't even: Part 3

The Washington Capitals 2011-12 season is over. It's a bummer, sure, but I still love my team. When out shopping with my fiancée on Sunday, I took advantage of some good Memorial Day weekend sales. I even bought a brand new Caps hat to wear to Nationals games, so people don't give me shit about my Cubs hats.

When it comes to baseball apparel, Cubs or GTFO. Luckily the Caps and Nats both rock the red.
Since I had so much fun buying a lot of shit for pretty cheap, I thought I might apply that strategy to online retailers, specifically, Shop.NHL.com. And heavens to Betsy, was I wrong to even think that. The NHL's online store is one of the worst offenders when it comes to taking Walmart-quality clothing, slapping a logo or two on it, and charging quadruple its value. But I wanted something specific -- the official players' sweatshirt. Naturally, my navigation went to Washington Capitals >> Mens >> Sweatshirts. Not only was I disappointed to see the sweatshirt was not there, but I was horrified by what was listed instead.

First of all, there are 38 men's sweatshirts available for purchase. Exactly one of them is under $40. This:

KILL IT WITH FIRE.
Two of them are over $100. For a sweatshirt. Look, I don't care if Mitchell wove the fabric and Ness stitched it together, no sweatshirt is worth $100. Twenty of them are between the $54 and $70 range. This is fucking ridiculous, Shop.NHL.com. But wait, it gets better.

Doing a Google search of "capitals players sweatshirts" I found what I was looking for, on the Dick's Sporting Goods online store. Unfortunately, they only had it for one player, Alex Ovechkin. Also, it's only available in home red, and not road white or Winter Classic off-white. Not that I wouldn't want Ovie's home sweatshirt, but options are always a good thing. Then I noticed that Dick's had it listed not under "Men's" but "Player Apparel." So I thought Shop.NHL.com might have pulled the same trick. Sure enough, they did, as this section is entirely composed of shirseys and two -- yes, only two -- hoodies. The first is the official Ovie one I found at Dick's, for the exact same price ($65.) The other is a faded navy and red abortion of a sweatshirt, labeled as "old time hockey" for some unknown reason (I'm guessing it's the laces on the neckline) for $110. No options. No customization. Just something you can find off the rack at Dick's, priced at around double of what it should be.

According to the NHL's official store, this is not categorized as a sweatshirt.
So here is this product I want to buy. I might even pay $40 for it. But it is hard to find on the website, it's only available for one player, there are no customization options or alternate colors, and it's way too expensive. It's bullshit like this that keeps people from buying quality, attractive clothing to support their team. Guess I'll just wait for MoonJersey to get it in stock.

What is this I don't even

23 May 2012

On Dale Hunter, Coaching, and Legends

On 28 November 2011, the Washington Capitals fired Bruce Boudreau, arguably the most successful head coach in their 38-year history. After taking the job two months into the 2007-08 season, he piloted the Caps to a division title, and won the Jack Adams Award, only the second in franchise history. In his second full season, the Caps won the Presidents' Trophy, a first for the team. He is the fastest coach to 200 victories in the modern era. His affable personality made him a fan favorite, and he entertained millions with food stains and trips to ice cream parlors in HBO's 24/7 series.

"More offense! Savory, delicious offense!"
Of course, nothing in the paragraph above mentions the postseason. Boudreau had a 2-4 playoff series record in DC, including a 1-3 record in game seven situations, and he never advanced past the second round. His wide-open style, which helped the Capitals score goals in bunches during the regular season, never clicked after the second week of April. The problem with Boudreau was also the manner in which off-seasons in Washington began:
  • a home overtime loss in game seven to Philadelphia in 2008
  • allowing five straight goals to Pittsburgh in game seven in 2009, also at home
  • losing three straight games to eighth seeded Montreal, two at home, and scoring only one goal in each game after going up three games to one, in 2010
  • getting swept by Tampa Bay in 2011
Each individual playoff year is different, and it's hard to pinpoint one or two problems that caused all of these losses. And a 17-20 playoff record means that every series (except for Tampa) was winnable. But the cumulative effect of all these playoff exits is pretty embarrassing.

In Boudreau's defense, his 201-88-40 regular season record with the Capitals is downright awesome. Anyone well-versed in statistics would agree that a 37-game sample carries less weight than a 329-game sample. But this isn't mathematics. It doesn't have to be fair or make sense. It's sports. And no one cares about regular season championships.

Bruce Boudreau and the Capitals got off to a pedestrian (by their standards) 12-9-1 start to the season in 2011-12. The coup de grâce was a 3-7-1 run where the Caps averaged just 2.27 goals per game. When all a coach has is regular season accolades and gaudy offensive totals, and no postseason success, they can be subject to heightened scrutiny. In my opinion, the blame placed on Boudreau for the Caps' ills was unfair. General manager George McPhee said that "the players were no longer responding to Bruce," which to me sounded like a convenient excuse. I was reminded of the old sports adage, "it's easier to fire one guy instead of an entire team." So Bruce Boudreau was let go. The Caps needed someone who could win the locker room and get them over the second round hump.

Enter Dale Hunter.

How my dad remembers Dale: the Aragorn of the Capitals.
For those of you unfamiliar with the history of the Washington Capitals, Dale Hunter is the Washington Capitals.

More after the jump...

18 May 2012

What is this I don't even: Part 2

Let me get one thing out of the way right now. I like Zooey Deschanel. I think she's cute, a decent singer, and a fine actress. Like many people, I first saw her in Almost Famous and her performance really stuck with me. It's not hard to appear beautiful and talented when the other female lead is Kate Hudson, but I digress.

Zooey is enjoying a nice run of success, stealing hipsters' hearts in (500) Days of Summer and doubling down on her indie cred in Our Idiot Brother. She's even branching out to charm baby boomers by appearing on network television in New Girl. But more often than not, America is seeing her in a commercial for the Apple iPhone 4S:



Great job, Apple. You managed to take one of the most appealing young actresses on Earth and turn her into a helpless buffoon. Look, we all have days where we'd rather not put on real shoes or clean up after ourselves. But is this the demographic you're after? Lazy rich people? Oh wait, it's an Apple commercial, so the answer is obviously yes. Not only is the commercial played ad nauseam, but the first line couldn't be more annoying. "IS THAAAAT RAAAIIN?" Every time I hear it, I want to kick a puppy in the throat.


What is this I don't even

15 May 2012

Review: Final Fantasy XIII-2

If you read my review of Final Fantasy XIII, then you know that I had a lot of things to nitpick in that game, especially in terms of good supporting characters and the ability to explore the world at large. So I was encouraged to learn that Square Enix developed and completed Final Fantasy XIII-2 less than two years after the original, with the previous game's shortcomings still fresh in their minds, and also with input from fans across the globe. I admit that it is quite dangerous to let the die-hard Final Fantasy geeks control any actual game content, for fear of skimpy outfits, Sephiroth-esque villains, and general Japanophilia. But I was willing to accept this risk if it meant fixing the glaring flaws of a game and a setting in which I saw so much potential.

Square Enix... fans... you have all let me down.

zomg bigger swordz!!!!11 lol
XIII-2 gets some things right. First and foremost, it keeps largely intact the excellent battle system used in XIII. There are minor tweaks to how the player can control the battle, some good (changing the leader) and some decidedly bad (fewer actions available to playable characters) but it all amounts to a lot of fun. The addition of the Paradigm Pack system, which allows for the player to capture monsters and use them in battle, is excellent. Developing and customizing each monster you catch can be unique and great to experiment with, if you don't mind a bit of farming (and let's be honest -- anyone playing a Final Fantasy game doesn't). And while I have never played any of the Pokemon games (I KNOW RIGHT) I have been assured that it is different enough from that system to pass the originality sniff test, while still keeping some of the series' best monsters.


Familiarity is a good thing.

More after the jump...

01 May 2012

Cleveland Browns NFL Draft 2012: Overreaching for Over-Age

Let's be honest. As a Browns fan, I'm used to disappointment in all aspects of a football team. And building through the draft is no different. Cleveland is a team that has made troubling picks over the past, well, forever. Only twice over the past decade have I breathed a sigh of relief after a Browns first-round pick, following the selection of Braylon Edwards (what a tease) and the highlight package for Joe Thomas. I'm no Mel Kiper, but I follow college football pretty closely, and I'd like to think I have a decent understanding of talent, value, and NFL projection. I can usually be impartial (except when it comes to former Alabama players) and I always want what is best for the team. Trading up or taking a blue chip is exciting, and trading down for depth is a bit of a bummer. But the latter is necessary for a successful, sustainable franchise.

That said, I entered this year's NFL Draft with three wishes:
  • Take Trent Richardson with the 4th overall pick
  • Find a lot of help for the offensive line
  • Do not, under any circumstances, select Brandon Weeden
We'll score that as a 1.5 out of 3.

"HURR DURR"
More after the jump...

21 April 2012

Nada Surf at 9:30 Club: 10 April 2012

In the midst of a long work week and an upcoming trip out of town, my fiancée and I were pretty beat last Tuesday. And since I had seen Nada Surf live twice before, I wasn't hellbent on going that night. The primary reason for my lack of enthusiasm being their new record, The Stars Are Indifferent To Astronomy, isn't my favorite, and I figured the set list would be new song-heavy. In fact, I gave her the option of punting the whole evening, since she's only familiar with a handful of Nada Surf songs. But she, being the amazingly awesome woman she is, agreed to tough it out for my sake. She's pretty much the best.

It was a cool spring night when we arrived at 9:30, about halfway through the set of the opening act, An Horse. They were okay, and pretty typical for an opener -- poorly mixed, lots of energy, pausing to say "Nada Surf will be out here in a bit, hang tight" between every song. I got the sense that I would be really into them if I were in my college years. They are loud and fast and the lead singer is a chick. (I apologize if "chick" is offensive to you, but being in a rock band is one of the few instances where I still feel it's appropriate.) We heard about three songs, which was just enough for me to polish off a beer and get ready for the main event.

At this point I should mention that when setting up at 9:30, the roadies can take anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes just to get started, and the speed with which they work usually ranges from "that huge tortoise at the National Zoo" to "Jeff Schultz retrieving a puck out of the corner boards." I'm not sure if it's how picky the bands are themselves, or if the venue is holding them up, but usually you're standing there for way too long and your feet are getting tired and inevitably one of three groups of people will plant themselves right in front of you; annoying couple only interested in taking cell phone videos, four to six people about fifteen years too old to be attending the show, or guys tall enough to form their own semi-professional basketball team. Thankfully, the synergy between the Nada Surf road crew and 9:30 was such that everyone got their shit together and they went on stage on time. And not only was the intermission short, I got to hear Pavement's "Spit on a Stranger" during the break. Much obliged.

As expected, they opened with two new songs, in fact the first two tracks off the new album. But I knew it was going to be a good show from the opening notes of "Hyperspace" on. It reminded me that there's something timeless about all of Nada Surf's songs. They're not dated in any way (except for their one MTV hit, "Popular," which is only dated because you remember the goofy video from 1996). What I mean is, "Hyperspace" is off their second album, released in 1998, but it could just as easily fit into any album they've released since. The band hasn't reinvented themselves or their sound. Every three or four years, they produce a exceptional album. Then they tour. Then they take a break. Rinse, repeat. They could do this until I'm old and grey (I hope they tour The Villages!) and I would still be happy with their work.

Back to the show, I feel like they really hit their stride after "Killian's Red." It's such a hypnotic song that it lulls the audience into a comfortable, sultry, sleep-like state. Then they wake us up with one of my favorite new songs, "Jules and Jim." It evokes the scene from any paint-by-numbers rom-com or sitcom when a couple wakes up the morning after a night of good sex, and they both still seem really satisfied, and the flat sheet is draped perfectly over the woman's body as not to expose areolae. Point being, it just feels good. After that, they played a bunch of songs that aren't my favorites -- "Concrete Bed," "80 Windows," and "The Way You Wear Your Head" -- but hearing them live was a treat. They really give every song the entirety of their energy, and it pays off. That night they were joined by Doug Gillard (most notably of Guided by Voices, who were the source of my favorite 9:30 experience, but probably not in the way you think) and Martin Wenk (who plays a mean theremin), and the quintet was phenomenal. My fiancée in particular was quite taken with the drummer, Ira Elliot, who was admittedly captivating. As bassist Daniel Lorca noted, "He's the only guy who can play the drums like Mick Jagger."

They closed their main set with "Hi-Speed Soul" and "See These Bones," two of their best. And they finished with their signature encore, "Inside of Love," "Always Love," and "Blankest Year" which always calls for audience participation (you get to scream "FUCK IT!"). I missed a few of my personal favorites, but I can't complain. It was an awesome, high-energy, musically coherent show. And I really do appreciate my fiancée going with me, and helping me remember that we're not too old for this shit.

One footnote; frontman Matthew Caws had his father (who is apparently famous or something) and stepmother on the private balcony upstairs. At first they didn't seem to be having much fun, but by the middle of the set, they were up and dancing a little bit. Really freaking cute.

28 March 2012

Buffalo Sabres at Washington Capitals: 28 March 2012

Following three straight weeks of announcements that the next time the Capitals played was "a huge game," my fiancée finally agreed with me. Coming into last night's game, Washington and Buffalo were tied with 84 points, but the Caps had the edge in the first tiebreaker with one more regulation plus overtime win. Both teams had six games left in the season. If either Buffalo or Washington were to win in regulation, it would be a massive blow to the other team's playoff chances. So we did what any good Caps fans would do -- we went to StubHub and bought the cheapest tickets we could find.

After catching up with some friends at Redline, we headed into the Verizon Center, justifiably nervous for the outcome. The Caps were starting, for all intents and purposes, their third string goalie. And although young Braden Holtby has played well in spurts, we got the feeling that it was a huge gamble on Dale Hunter's part. Sure enough, Holtby gave up three goals and was yanked only a few minutes into the 2nd period. The Caps offense could only muster one lousy goal before a terrible turnover at the power play point by Ovechkin led to a Sabres shortie that sealed Washington's fate. Now the 5-1 score is a little misleading. The Caps peppered Ryan Miller with 45 shots, and even though a lot of them were unscreened and from outside the slot, he stood tall when he had to and made some key saves on drives from Ovechkin and Laich, among others. Simply put, Buffalo had a world-class goalie, and the Capitals didn't.

Japers' recap compared it to the last game of the 2008-09 season for the Caps, a 6-2 throttling at the hands of the Pittsburgh Penguins in game seven of the conference semis. I remember watching that game at one of my favorite bars, Chadwicks. It was embarrassing, deflating, and in my estimation created the media firestorm which still lingers today about what is wrong with the Washington Capitals. And while the feeling last night wasn't as grim (there is, by definition, nothing more grim than losing a game seven) the questions surrounding the team are louder than ever. Forget Ovechkin -- he's signed through the 2020-21 season and will remain the captain despite the media's needling over his leadership abilities. But the Caps' current roster was assembled to win this year, and after decidedly not winning, come July 1st it may look very different. There are six relevant unrestricted free agents (Semin, Knuble, Halpern, Aucoin, Wideman, Vokoun) and two massive decisions to make on restricted free agents (Green, Carlson). Throw in two more tweener RFAs (Perreault, Beagle), the likely drama with their Russian imports (Kuznetsov, Galiev), and anyone who George McPhee considers trade bait (*coughSCHULTZcough*) and you could have over half of the active roster in flux.

That is, if McPhee still has a job after the season. Whatever happens between now and October, it should be interesting for everyone in the organization, from Ted Leonsis on down. Just don't ask me what I would do if I were McPhee or Hunter. I would have started Holtby last night, and just like Hunter, I would have been wrong.

10 March 2012

Redskins Trade Up

NFL.com news: Redskins acquire second overall pick in deal with Rams

Washington gave up three first round picks ('12, '13, '14) and one second rounder ('12) presumably for the rights to Robert Griffin III. To which I say:

This Is Not My Fantasy

On Saturday, my friends and I had our annual fantasy baseball draft. We have tailored our league's selection process to create the maximum amount of work for me as commissioner. First, we have a 15-round auction portion, followed by a 9-round snake draft to complete our 24-man rosters. We call our beloved system "the drauction." Our budget for the auction portion is $225 ($15/player) and no dollar value is assigned to drafted or free agent players unless they are kept the following season for a flat rate. There are 11 teams in the league, 5x5 rotisserie scoring, with 4 OF spots.

I came into the day telling myself I was going to buy two out of three superstars who would be the cornerstones of my team; Justin Upton, Evan Longoria, and Troy Tulowitzki. They are my favorite non-Cubs in baseball, and I was prepared to go up to $45 for each one of them, essentially soaking up about 40% of my auction money for 13% of my auction players, if I was indeed successful in getting two. The first round of the auction saw Justin Verlander fall into my lap for below market value, but still at a steep enough price that I was wary of overspending for my targeted bats. So I let Longoria go for $41, which I thought was high but still below my ceiling, and intended to buy Upton and Tulo. To my surprise, Tulo went for $50, followed by Upton for $48. I give myself credit for my restraint, instead settling on Joey Votto for $44. The rest of the auction was a bit of panic mode on my part -- since most of my roster projections included Longo at third, I ended up overpaying (in my opinion) for Ryan Zimmerman at $26. I also overpaid for some of my favorite pitchers, and was left floating guys I wanted for $1 at the end of the auction and hoping everyone passed. It worked most of the time, but it cost me a shot at Matt Wieters, Michael Cuddyer, Dee Gordon, James Shields, B.J. Upton, Freddie Freeman, and Anibal Sanchez, all guys I thought were undervalued.

Now, without further ado, here is my team as it stands after draft day:

AUCTION
  • Justin Verlander, SP, DET ($32)
  • Joey Votto, 1B, CIN ($44)
  • Michael Young, 1B/2B/3B, TEX ($20)
  • Ryan Zimmerman, 3B, WAS ($26)
  • J.J. Hardy, SS, BAL ($6)
  • Brian McCann, C, ATL ($20)
  • Jered Weaver, SP, LAA ($34)
  • Adam Wainwright, SP, STL ($23)
  • Matt Garza, SP, CHC ($9)
  • Neil Walker, 2B, PIT ($2)
  • Carlos Marmol, RP, CHC ($1)
  • Colby Rasmus, OF, TOR ($1)
  • Jordan Zimmermann, SP, WAS ($1)
  • Derek Holland, SP, TEX ($2)
  • Brandon Morrow, SP, TOR ($4)
DRAFT
  • Martin Prado, 3B/OF, ATL
  • Carlos Beltran, OF, STL
  • J.J. Putz, RP, ARI
  • Rafael Betancourt, RP, COL
  • Nick Swisher, 1B/OF, NYY
  • Peter Bourjos, OF, LAA
  • Dexter Fowler, OF, COL
  • Brett Myers, SP/RP, HOU
  • Brennan Boesch, OF, DET
Well, there it is. Great starting pitching, good infield, atrocious outfield. It needs some work, but my "fantasy" of teaming up Upton, Tulo and Longo is long gone.

Analysis after the jump...

27 February 2012

Review: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Two things initially got me very excited for the release of The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. First, it was released only for the Wii and required a Wii MotionPlus controller, which meant maximum flailing about the living room on my part. Second, I read that in the official timeline released by Nintendo (it's about time, no pun intended) Skyward Sword is the first, and will represent the origin story for all other Zelda titles to date. To me that meant the story was likely way epic, and given the series' history of mixing a great story with lighthearted fun, I was extremely optimistic. Besides, it's hard to screw up a Zelda game. They stick to a formula that works, and they do their best to nail it.

Tell me you're not just a little bit cised right now.
Being one of the bigger nerds of all time, I asked my fiancée to get me Skyward Sword for Christmas. I figured it was a good gift idea, being that I would buy it anyway, and I was struggling for anything else I needed at the time. It was the perfect plan, but for the fact that we had Christmas with her extended family and I had to explain to them why I asked for a video game. I should have just said, "I'm a man-child," gotten in my car and driven home, never to return. Sometime shortly after New Year's (after I finished up Final Fantasy XIII) I dove right in to Skyward Sword.

More after the jump...